Friday, August 10, 2012

Lola. Dog.

Dearest Blog Readers,

When I was told I was going to be allowed to part of this blog, I have to say I was pretty ecstatic.  After all, if anyone has a worthy viewpoint, clearly it's me.  I view the world from a different perspective.  I'm the small one that no remembers is actually in the room.  Sometimes I innocently stand by to hear the goings on and sometimes I play silent therapist to the two big ones I live with.  Or who live with me, I should say.  Yeah, they pay the rent and utilities and all that jazz... but I usually run the show.  So, lets get on with it.

So, what's the big, newsworthy thing going on right now?  The Olympics.  I'm just like every other American (Yes, my ancestors were born in Chihuahua, but I was born in the States), I'm glued to the TV.  And yes, just like every other American, I get pissed off when my phone alerts me of a USA gold medal win before I actually get to watch the performance.  I especially get pissed off when the dog in loft next door to us watches it streaming live and hoots and hollers the winner's name.  But, I digress.  My favorite summer sport?  Gymnastics, of course.  I will say I caught a few glimpses of the swimming.  Swimming.  Ugh.  I'm just as happy as the next person that we did so well and collected several medals, but I'm not swimmer.  I hate baths and I'm sure as hell not going in the pool, no matter how much the woman tries to coax me. (Yes, she's my mother, but I hate calling her that... makes me seem young and innocent... and well, I'm not.)  I would rather take up in the shade with a nice cold, strong cocktail.  I mean... what else would I do?  You've seen me.  I'm not in need of a tan, as I feel my coat is the perfect shade of tan with hints of red.  Anyway, on to the point.  I'm very happy for that Phelps guy, as I've heard this is his last Olympics performance.  That just goes to show that the occasional joint here and there isn't going kill anyone.  He won gold medals in the last Olympics.  He smoked a joint or two since then.  He won gold medals in this Olympics.  What's the big deal?  The key to all this is moderation.

So, to continue my thoughts, I'm a huge gymnastic fan.  Sometimes I get very excited and run in circles around the bedroom hoping I may accidentally do a front flip or a layout twist.  It never happens.  I just get tired.  So, the fact that our USA team brought home gold makes my eyes all misty.  Speaking of misty eyes, my heart truly broke for that Jordan Weiber lady who didn't make it to All-Around.  I may have had a misty eye or two when Gabby Douglas won the gold in that category.  I logged on to the man's laptop to read all the happiness.... only to stumble upon complaints about her hair...?  Are you kidding me?  There were articles and tweets about this.  First of all, who the hell listens to birds when it comes to important national news?  I'll never understand that.  But anyway, I want to ask them all - have you ever ran on a treadmill?  Or around the block?  Or anything that makes your heart speed up?  What did your hair look like?  Point made.

The last tidbit that I want to cover, before I go and take my next morning nap is Snoop Dogg.  Now, I don't go around looking for celebrity gossip... I mean, because really, who cares?  I usually don't know what's going on unless it makes NPR or the WSJ.  I don't care who is sleeping with who (whom?), who are no longer friends or who is pregnant (I'm no fan of babies).  Unless it's thrown in my face (hello, Twilight adulteress), I usually have no idea what's going on in Hollywood.  But really, who cheats on Cedric Diggory?  Anyway, on to my point.  Snoop Dogg has apparently decided to change his name to Snoop Lion.  Clearly he has smoked way too many blunts (Phelps, take note regarding moderation).  Snoop Lion?  He's also tired of Hip Hop... really?  He's tired of the industry that pushed him to fame and fortune?  Let me just point out that Dogg's do not turn into lions.  Does he realize that a lion is a feline?  Couldn't he have decided to be a wolf, instead?  Snoop Wolf?  Canines do not turn into felines.  That just doesn't make any sense.  Has Puff/Puffy/Puff Daddy/P.Diddy/Diddy taught him nothing?  I don't know if Puffy even makes music anymore, that's how irrelevant he has become.  Well, I guess I will wait on the edge of the big people's couch listening to Gin and Juice until that Reggae CD comes out.

Until next time,
Lola Dog

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